Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I've Never Posted a Forward Before, But...

This one so startled me by bringing back my childhood, that I leave it here for other Florida Crackers for their amusement:

You know you're a Floridian if....

..You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
..Socks are only for bowling.
..A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
..Your winter coat is made of denim.
..You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
..You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
..Anything under 70 is chilly.
..You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a funeral.
..You could swim before you could read.
..You have to drive north to get to The South.
..Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
..You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
..You dread lovebug season.
..You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley , Frances , Ivan and Jeanne.
..You know why flamingos are pink.
..You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
..You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
..'Down South' means Key West
..'Panhandling' means going to Pensacola
..You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
..Flip-flops are everyday wear.
..Shoes are for business meetings and church.
..No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter or Christmas.
..Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
..An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
..You smirk when a game show's 'Grand Prize' is a trip or cruise to Florida .
..You measure distance in minutes.
..You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
..You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
..All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
..A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
..You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
..You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and February.
..It's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, 'What kinda coke you want?'
..Anything under 95 is just warm.
..You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
..You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee
..You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
..Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, Nascar, Go Gators, and a confederate flag.
..You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
..You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
..You get angry when people say 'Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH.'
..You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
..You know what the 'stingray shuffle' is, and why it's important!
..You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '....

..You forward this

Monday, November 26, 2007

So, Don't Like, Hurt My Feelings or Anything....

I just found a great signature line:

Like Elizabeth Edwards, I now have the absolute moral authority of being a cancer survivor--and a mother! So don’t, like, hurt my feelings or anything, or you’re like, you know, mean and stuff.

One of those things I wish I’d thought of…except I keep tripping on my Superwoman cape and banging my head. It makes me forgetful…

…unfortunately, though, even with these self-inflicted memory deficits some things are seared, just seared into my brain.

Like John Kerry speeches.

And his special little hat.

And the time he knocked down the Secret Service agent when he was skiing.

They say “blood will tell” and John’s certainly does. I think it’s yellow. But maybe that’s just my jaundiced view.

No matter who the Dems run this time around, it won’t be as interesting as JFK II.

Ummm…unless Hillary runs. Fits and foments and rages, oh my.